| Schizopolis Non-Sequiturs | ||||
| QB | Drew Bledsoe | |||
| RB | Warrick Dunn | |||
| Onterrio Smith | ||||
| WR | TJ Houshmandzadeh | |||
| Eddie Kennison | ||||
| Javon Walker | ||||
| K | Adam Vinatieri | |||
| D | Patriots D | |||
| ST | Bills ST | |||
| Konnichiwa Bitches | ||||
| QB | Michael Vick | |||
| RB | Shaun Alexander | |||
| Thomas Jones | ||||
| LaDainian Tomlinson | ||||
| WR | Randy Moss | |||
| TE | Tony Gonzalez | |||
| K | Shayne Graham | |||
| D | Vikings D | |||
| ST | Lions ST | |||